He could feel the cool sheets beneath him.  The night air gently caressing his skin.  He could feel Storm’s lips leave kisses on his feet that made him ache.  Storm knew just where and how to please him.  Lucas felt the sweet agony of Storm’s ministrations.  It drove him crazy with desire, and frustrated him with the manner in which Storm could keep him at the peaks of pleasure, yet never allowed him to experience release.

Lucas squirmed as his mouth formed an ‘o’ shape.  He whimpered as Storm hit all of Lucas’s pleasure points in his feet, while he moved upwards with his fingers.  Lucas could bare no more.  He tired of feeling his own hands on his stomach.  Tired of teasing his own nipples.  And as if by some telepathic link, Storm knew this as well.

Lucas’s eyes were closed, but he could feel Storm rise over him.  He opened his eyes just as Storm pulled Lucas’s legs around his torso.  Lucas wished he could just melt into ecstasy as he looked up at his love.  Storm’s chest pulsed and rippled, covered in sweat.  Lucas loved it when Storm dominated like this.  When he took the initiative and played the man.

“My sweet babe.”  Storm whispered, “Have I told you lately that I burn only for you?”

“No.”  Lucas moaned, “But I feel it.”

“I love you.”  Storm said as he lowered his head enough to suck on Lucas’s lower lip, “I love you.”

Lucas ran his hands over Storm’s chest, kneading the hard muscle in his fingers.  He ran them down his lover’s abdominals, raising his head to steal kisses at the same time.  Lucas gasped as he felt Storm prepare to …

“Sir, you need to put your seat up and fasten your belt.  We’re about to land in San Diego.”

“Shit.”  Lucas snapped as he was pulled from his dream to see an air hostess smiling at him, “Oh, sorry, Mam.  I was just … umm … dreaming.”

“Must have been a good one.”  The air hostess smiled with a wink, “Buckle up, Sir.”

Lucas stared out the window at San Diego, wishing he could go back and finish his dream.  It wasn’t so much a dream, as a memory.  A memory of a love that seemed long past, and almost forgotten.  His greatest love, Daniel ‘Storm’ Marcus, had left him with the biggest void he had ever known.  Not even losing his only other love, Ashley Miller, compared.  Ironically, it was Lucas’s drunken infidelity with her that cost him his relationship.  Yet even now he still couldn’t believe he’d done it.

“But I did.”  Lucas sighed as he looked out at the mass of land and sea, “And now I pay.”

* * * * * * *

Lucas lay on his bed, feeling more at home than he had in months.  And yet he’d never even seen this house before.  His parents made up a room just for him.  A room that was always open to him, so he’d always feel like he had somewhere to lay his head.  As if they hadn’t done enough already by leaving him to live in their house.

He enjoyed seeing his parents again.  All evening they’d delicately sidestepped the topic of Storm.  Lucas didn’t want to bring the mood of the house down, so he too chose to talk about subjects other than his once love.

He did his best to put on a strong front, but in reality he was craving the release of a six pack of beer.  Instead he lay back on his bed, throwing a tennis ball into the air.  He couldn’t sleep, he could barely eat his dinner.  He was tempted to run out and see what the San Diego party scene had to offer.  Instead he let out a sigh and continued throwing the ball into the air.

He was interrupted by a knock at his door.  The door slowly opened and Mira stepped through it.  She sat at Lucas’s bedside and patted his leg.  Lucas smiled back at her, and remembered what it was like to have a mother around to support him.  They’d experienced more than their share of lows, but they’d reached a point now where they shared a genuine bond of affection and love.  And that is why Lucas wanted to come.  He needed his mother.

“Do you like it here, Mom?”  Lucas asked.

“It has it’s benefits.  It’s good for your father and I.  We’re not too old yet, Son.  We’re enjoying our time on our own.  That is not to say we don’t miss your terribly.  I miss you, Lucas.  I worry.  Especially now.  How are you doing?”

“I hate myself, Mom.”  Lucas sighed, “Sometimes I just … I hurt so much without him.  I knew something was wrong before he even left for General State.  Something didn’t feel right.  I must’ve known I’d done something.  I had this sinking feeling way back then, that I would never see him again.  I was wrong, because I did see him when he finally came back to Merlow.  But it was only to say goodbye.  How could I do it, Mom?”

“Tell me why you did it.”

“I can’t remember.  I was drunk.  The night of the ball.  I thought it was Storm.  I really did.  I mean, we didn’t … she just … nevermind.”

Mira’s eyes showed her sadness and sorrow for her son.  She had a genuine affection for Daniel Marcus, and hoped his relationship with her son would endure.  All she could think was it seemed such an unnecessary loss.  A waste.

“I find it hard to believe that Ashley would do such a thing.”  Mira said in disappointment.

“So do I.  I’m not blaming her.  I did it.  There’s no explaining it away.  I cheated on him, Mom.  And that’s one thing Storm can never forgive.  I can’t expect him to.  I know I’ve lost him, Mom.  I’m just having a hard time believing it’s actually over.  I want him to be happy.  I just miss him so much.  I wish I could take it all back.”

Lucas’s face became overwhelmed with anguish as he broke down in tears.  He held his face in his hands as his mother rushed to his side.  His hands shook as he wrapped his arms around her.  She rocked him in her arms, just like she did when he was a baby.  He was certainly no baby anymore, but to her, he would always be her boy.  And right now, her boy needed her.

* * * * * * *

-- Sensations of a New Love

Lucas held on for dear life to the thin ledge outside Storm’s bedroom window.  He’d done this so many times before, but right now the butterflies in his stomach had gotten the best of him.  He and Storm had been going steady for more than a month, and Lucas still felt as giddy as the night at the train station.  The night they first kissed.  The night everything changed between them.

Even as he hung off the side of Storm’s window ledge, he smiled at the thought of his new relationship.  He loved Storm, more than he thought he could ever love someone.  And it was because of that fact, he was here right now.  He couldn’t wait any longer to see his baby.

Lucas pulled himself up and tapped on Storm’s window.  He pressed his foot against the wall to try and get some kind of grip.  He tapped again on Storm’s window, hoping to garner some kind of response.  He was just about to swing himself up onto the ledge when Storm’s window slid up.

“Sheridan, do you know what time it is?”  Storm said as he popped his head out the window.

Storm rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and glared at Lucas.  He seemed irritated by Lucas’s presence, but Lucas knew better.  He beamed a smile back at Storm and sure enough, his boyfriend’s face began to melt with a smile.

“Sheridan?” Lucas said with a raised eyebrow, “I didn’t even like you calling me that when we were just friends.  Dude, it’s so informal.”

“Ok, fine.”  Storm smiled with a small smirk, “Baby … do you know what time it is?”

“Dude, I had to see you.  We didn’t get to hook up all day.”  Lucas moaned, “Dude, think you could help me out here?”

“I dunno, I kinda like the look of you hanging off my window ledge.  Besides, I might be a bit tired to help you up.  You know, with it being 3am and everything.”

Lucas smiled sheepishly at Storm and in a flash found himself being pulled up over the ledge and into the room.  Storm flexed his arms with a cheeky smile as he hauled Lucas to his bed.  Lucas sat down with a deep breath on Storm’s bed.  Storm sat next to him, cross legged and rubbing his bare chest.

“You ok?”  Lucas asked.

“Just cold.”

“I can warm you up.”  Lucas said as he nuzzled his face in the nape of Storm’s neck.

Over the last month, Lucas had discovered the finer points of seducing Storm.  He craved the physical intimacy the two shared now.  His fingers would dance across Storm’s stomach, while the other hand played on the small of Storm’s back.  He knew Storm was still new to being with another guy, with his only other experience coming from the female sex.  So with that knowledge in mind, Lucas found himself leading any moments like this.  

Lucas moved his lips to Storm’s, feeling his mate moan in sweet agony.  For a moment, Lucas thought he might finally have Storm the way he’d always wanted.  That he may finally have broken the resolve that Storm had used to such great effect so far in their relationship.  And just as his hand snaked into Storm’s boxers, he smiled to himself.

“Ok, ok, you gotta go.”  Storm said pushing Lucas back, “We can’t do this.”

“What?  You don’t like it?”

“Of course I like it.  I’m just … I don’t know.  It’s just better if we stop now, before we do something we’re not supposed to.  I promised myself I wouldn’t.  Not at my age.  Same reason I didn’t go all the way with Sarah.  I’m only 15, you know.  You’re older than me.  You’re … experienced.  And I guess I don’t want my first time to be random.”

“Ok.”  Lucas sighed with slight disappointment.

Lucas knew better than to push Storm and risk incurring his quick fire wrath.  So instead, he simply kissed Storm’s shoulder and lay his head on it.  He’d come to learn that as far as he’d come with Storm, there was still a long way to go.  And times like now, when he felt Storm stiffen and almost shy from his proximity, he knew it might be a long time yet before he stopped feeling like he was still being kept at a safe distance.

“I know I must seem like a prude, or that I’m not really into you … that way.  I am.  But for now … it’s just me and Mr. Right, ok?”  Storm said with a tired yawn.

“I thought I was Mr. Right.”  Lucas smiled.

“I dunno.  I’m still thinking about it.”  Storm grinned as he fell back on his bed, “Now is there a reason you came besides to try and jump my bones?”

“Do you mind?”  Lucas said as he lay down on the bed and wrapped his arms around Storm’s waist, “Just for a little while.”

“Ok.  But no funny stuff.”

Storm turned his face to meet Lucas’s.  In the bright moonlight, their eyes met and shared a glance of understanding and recognition.  Storm smiled at Lucas and closed his eyes, shifting closer so that their heads were leaning against each other.

“And just so you know.”  Storm said as gave Lucas the lightest angel kiss, “I love you.  Even if you do knock on my window at 3am.  And maybe because of it.  But next time, I’ll leave the window open so you don’t wake me up.”

With a yawn, Storm drifted off to sleep while Lucas watched him.  This was one of the rare times when Lucas was the one watching Storm sleep.  It was usually the other way around, as Lucas knew his mate hated people watching him while he slept.  He savored the sound of Storm’s gentle breaths, and held him closer in his own arms as his eyes grew heavy and the dreamscape beckoned. 

* * * * * * *

Lucas had been unable to sleep, even after his mother had comforted him.  Dreams of the past kept him restless and uneasy.  The house was dark and devoid of activity, save for Lucas’s midnight wanderings.  He found old habits came back to haunt him as he made his way to the kitchen and helped himself to a beer.  When he sat down at the dining room table, he was surprised to see his father already sitting down opposite him.

“Dad, I thought you were asleep.”  Lucas said in surprise, “Do you mind?”

“You’re old enough.”  John said as he poured himself a scotch, “Would you prefer some of this?”

“No.  Not yet anyway.”

Lucas and his father sat at their own corners of the table, drinking at their own pace.  John lit up a cigar, and offered it to Lucas.  At first Lucas extended his hand to accept, then politely declined.

“So … how long this time?”  John asked.

“How long what, Dad?”  Lucas questioned.

“How long are you going to mope over this one?”

Lucas could hear the subtle tone of contempt in his father’s voice.  He found himself being reminded of how badly things ended with Ashley before he first moved to Merlow.  The furore his relationship caused his parents and their standing in their former community was something Lucas always felt guilty over.

It wasn’t often that Lucas’s father showed anger or emotion.  All that was usually left to his mother.  Lucas got the impression that his father was almost expecting this to happen.  As if he doubted Lucas’s ability to follow through with anything he did.  As if he simply expected all of this to happen.

“A while.”  Lucas said with his eyes downcast in shame, “A long while.”

“What makes him any different to Ashley?”

“Everything.”  Lucas sighed.

“I still don’t understand.  If you wanted to be with Ashley, why not just tell Daniel?  Why all this rubbish?  Does this mean you’re finally over this phase with boys?”  John said with the slightest hint of anger, “Is that why you cheated on that boy?  Since when is this kind of behavior ok?”

“He’s not a boy.  Not anymore.  And he wasn’t a phase.”  Lucas said before he scowled with rebellion, “But aren’t you pleased I don’t have a boyfriend anymore?  Aren’t you happy I did it with a girl?”

“You think because I let you drink with me that I’ll let you take that insolent tone with me?”  John said straight faced and intent.

“Sorry, Pop.”  Lucas sighed.

“Why do you do this, Son?”  John said as he puffed out a plume of cigar smoke, “Why do you always hurt these people you seem to care about?  Ashley was a good girl.  She loved you.  Her life was thrown into chaos because you two thought you were in love.  So you can imagine why I wasn’t particularly moved when you told me you were absolutely in love with young Daniel.”

“I did love him.  I do love him.”  Lucas said in frustration, “It is different with him.”

“Then why did he leave you?”  John asked accusingly.

“You know why.”

“Because you cheated on him.  And why did you cheat on him if you loved him?”

“Because I was drunk!”  Lucas snapped, “What do you want me to say?”

“There’s a clue there, Son.  Don’t drink if you can’t handle it.”

“I don’t love Ashley.  Not like that.  I love Storm.”  Lucas said, more to himself than to his father, “It was an accident.  A mistake.”

“Everything’s a mistake with you.  Your little mistake with Ashley caused your mother and I a world of trouble and hell.  Do you think we wanted to move to Merlow?  Do you think moving away from our home was easy, or cheap?  I had to give up my job because you had to get yourself mixed up with the Millers.  You knew how much pull they had.  But you never think about the consequences of your actions.  You just thought it would be fun to roll in the sack a few times with Ashley.  Don’t tell me you didn’t know she might get pregnant. You just didn’t care.  Because you were in ‘love’, and that’s all your immature little mind could comprehend.  You didn’t think about anyone else except yourself.  Everyone else pays for your mistakes.”  John said with barely controlled anger, “Nothing’s changed, Lucas.  Nothing at all.”

Lucas sat indignantly with his eyes staring vacantly at the beer can in his hand.  His father had never spoken to him in such a direct manner.  He’d never raised these issues before, but Lucas knew they’d always been there.  And he knew it was why his father and he had such a superficial relationship.  Perhaps now though since Lucas was considered a man in his father’s eyes, there was no more reason to treat him with kid gloves.  Or perhaps his father was simply fed up with his behavior.  Whatever the reason, Lucas felt the impact of his father’s words.  His tears were silent and steady, almost bitter.  He tried his best to remain stoic, but it wasn’t in his nature to do so.  Hiding his emotions was never his strongpoint.

“Ashley paid for your mistake.”  John continued, “Your mother and I paid for your mistake.  Even that Marty Lee kid paid for your mistake when his parents packed off Ashley.  But you don’t think about any of this, do you?  You’re too busy feeling sorry for yourself.”

Lucas’s face was flush with tears.  He sobbed gently as he sat in his chair while his father continued venting.  He took a swig from his can and continued staring at it.  He dared not make eye contact with his father, lest he lose any resolve he had left and break down. 

“And now you’ve done it again.  Only this time it’s Daniel who has to pay for it.”  John said shaking his head, “And now your mother is upset worrying about you.  You’re not doing it to her again, Lucas.  You can stay here for a week, and that’s it.  Then you’re going back to Merlow and you can clean this mess up yourself.  I’m not having your mother getting worked up and fretting over you for this.  There’s a price for everything, Lucas.  And this time, you have to pay it yourself.  That’s what being a man is.  Taking responsibility.  It’s time you did that.  And you’ll be all the better for it.”

Oddly enough, Lucas wasn’t as upset as he thought he would be.  He knew his father was right, and it was what Lucas needed to hear.  If anything, it eased Lucas’s tears to hear his father telling him he was a man and he had to act like one.  It also reminded Lucas how much hurt he’d caused his parents in the past, and his father was finally venting after over three years of near silence.  And now Lucas finally had an opportunity to start making amends for mistakes past.

“I love you, Dad.”  Lucas said, barely scraping audible words out of his mouth, “I’m sorry.”

“I’m not the one you need to be saying sorry to.”  John said dismissively, “That’s for Daniel.”

“I’m not talking about that.  You know what I’m talking about.  I know I caused so much trouble for you and Mom.  I didn’t understand how much trouble I really caused.  But I know now.  And I’m sorry, Dad.  I’m really sorry.”

Finally Lucas raised his eyes to meet his father’s.  They shared an awkward glance of recognition, and Lucas saw the slightest hint of appreciation in his father’s eyes. It was enough for Lucas to flash a tiny smile.

“Try not to upset your mother while you’re here.”  John said as he stood up, “Try not to worry her.  We’re always here … but I want you to handle this one on your own.  Because eventually, when your mother and I are gone, you won’t have a choice.  Goodnight, Lucas.”

“Night, Pop.”  Lucas said with a sigh.

As soon as his father had left the room, Lucas’s eyes welled up with tears.  Steady sobs of anguish and isolation tormented him.  He felt alone and guilty.  He couldn’t imagine feeling much worse.  As near as he could tell, his life was over.  He would have to start a new life, and this time his parents wouldn’t be the ones to guide him through it or make up for his mistakes.  This time he would do it alone.

“I still have you.”  Lucas said as he brought his can of beer to his lips.

And so he wiled away the small hours of the night with can after can of beer.  He inwardly hoped that each swig of beer would be the one to send him over the edge.  To send him into an alcohol induced dreamscape. 

Finally he felt fatigue overwhelm him and he stumbled back to his room with a few cans for good measure.  He opened his wallet and pulled out a small photo inside.  A photo of himself and his lost love, Daniel ‘Storm’ Marcus.

He cringed in anger and frustration as he stared at the photo, barely able to contain his sobs.  He held the photo to his lips before he wrapped it in his fist, tempted to crush it.  Instead he cracked open another can of beer and continued to down his sorrows, until finally his body succumbed.

* * * * * * *

-- Going Mainstream

Lucas held onto Storm with all his might.  His eyes bloodshot from crying, he sought comfort in his love’s protective embrace.  Though Lucas was almost a head taller than Storm, he felt like a child in his arms.  Lucas sighed with ecstasy as his mate gently soothed him with gentle touches and whispered words.

“It’s ok.  One day she’ll come around.  She’s your Mom.  She loves you.”  Storm urged, “You know she does.”

“No she doesn’t.  She likes you more than she likes me.”  Lucas protested.

“She might like me, but she loves you.  She’s just … I don’t know.  I’m sorry she upset you.”

“It’s not your fault, Dude.  I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to come here and bring you down.”

“Bring me down?”  Storm smiled, “This is why I’m here.  This is in the boyfriend job description.  You know I love you, Baby.  I hate seeing you cry.”

Lucas smiled as his tears fell from his eyes and ran over Storm’s wrist.  He marveled in the embrace of his love, grateful for the ever present and constant security he felt in Storm’s arms.  He truly believed no matter what the world threw him, he could face it as long as Storm was by his side.  As if to ensure Storm knew he appreciated his comforting presence, Lucas pulled Storm’s arms tighter around him. 

“I wish it could just be me and you.”  Lucas sighed, “Or that I could live here with you.”

“You mean you don’t already?”

“I know.”  Lucas smiled, “But one of these days I think Mira is just going to push me one step too far.”

“And if she ever does, you know you can come here.  I know Mom will be the first to put you up.  Is there any particular reason …”

“Storm!”  June yelled from downstairs, “Marcel’s on the phone!”

“Sorry, I better take this.”  Storm said pulling away from Lucas.

Lucas sighed as Storm reached across to pick up his phone.  It didn’t take Lucas long to figure out who it was on the other end.  A certain blondie was homesick and obviously Storm was the first person he called to say so.

“I want to come home!  I hate it here!”  Lucas heard Marcel scream out of the receiver.

“Settle down, Princess.”  Storm smirked, “You’re still settling in.  Of course you’re going to be nervous.” 

Lucas grinned as he heard Marcel yelling at Storm about how big a mistake he’d made.  How he’d barely arrived in Drake Academy and he hated decided he hated it then and there.  And nothing had changed his mind since. 

As much as their relationship had a fair amount of tension, Lucas hoped Marcel would settle in.  He knew if anyone could calm him, it would be Storm.  The two seemed to share a bond that was seemingly unbreakable, something Lucas had come to respect and not feel threatened by.

“He still doesn’t know Mike’s flying up to see him.”  Storm whispered to Lucas, covering the handpiece “He’s going to freak when he sees him.”

After what seemed like an hour of Storm reassuring Marcel, they finally said their goodbyes.  With a small smile, Lucas rolled over to face Storm.  He studied his mate for a moment, his fingers tracing down Storm’s neckline.

“You really care about him, don’t you?”  Lucas asked.

“Of course I do.  He’s my boy.”  Storm said matter of factly.

Lucas barely caught the smirk on Dade’s face as he stepped into the room.  He couldn’t quite place the meaning for the dimpled grin, but decided it was simply Dade being Dade.  Storm however, was not so quick to let his younger brother’s wicked grin disappear without an explanation.

“What?”  Storm asked curiously.

“Nothing, Bro.”  Dade shrugged, quickly putting on his best serious face, “Why aren’t you ready yet?  You promised you’d give me an hour before we start training at the dojo.”

“Dade, you’ll be fine.”  Storm reassured him, “It’s like riding a bike.  You don’t forget it.  It’ll all come back.  You’re a natural.”

“I’d rather be a natural with a good teacher.  Come on.”  Dade said grabbing Storm by the hand and pulling him off the bed, “Lucas is always here.  He’ll still be here when you get back.  Right, Lucas?”

“Umm … yeah, Dude.”  Lucas smiled sheepishly, “I’ll be here, waiting.  Like always.”

“Why don’t you just move in already?”  Dade grinned.

“Dade, can’t you see I was trying to make Lucas feel better?  Making him feel better means I get to feel better.  You feel me?”  Storm mouth with a rare smirk of lust.

Lucas expected something like that from Dade, but not Storm.  Storm was always the uptight reserved Marcus brother.  Perhaps taking their relationship to a sexual level had changed something inside his love.  What Lucas did expect however, was a suggestive grin from Dade.  Something that quickly wiped the smirk from Storm’s face.

“Dade, you’re a freak.”  Storm growled.

“I can wait outside for a minute.” Dade still grinned, “That’ll give you enough time for foreplay and two rounds.”

“We’ll finish this later, ok?”  Storm said as he brushed his lips across Lucas’s, “You’ll be here when I get back?”

“I’ll be here.”

“Come on then, you little bastard.”  Storm snapped at Dade.

Dade seemed hurt by Storm’s playful insult.  He quickly shrugged it off, but not before Storm noticed.  The older Marcus brother put his arm around Dade’s shoulder and smiled sympathetically.

“What?” Storm shrugged, “You going all new age on me?  I call you a bastard, you call me a bastard.  That’s how it works.”

“Oh … yeah … I umm …”

“Bro, why you so sensitive today?”  Storm said as he kissed the top of Dade’s head, “You’re going soft, Dade.  Now come on, I’m sure you’ll feel better once I’ve trained you on how to beat your big bro.”

“Me?  Beat you?  Whatever.”  Dade smiled, “You’re the best, Storm.”

“Of course I am.  But feel free to remind me.”

Lucas laughed as he observed the two brothers.  He loved hearing Storm exude confidence, because he knew that although he seemed the most brash and overconfident person around, he was probably one of the most insecure.  He let out a sigh as the two brothers left them room, before falling back onto Storm’s bed.

“Wouldn’t you know, I forgot my keys.”  Storm grinned as he ran into the room, slamming the door shut behind him.

Before Lucas could react, Storm was on top of him, pinning him to the bed.  Lucas simply lay there as Storm lowered his head and brushed the tips of their noses against one another.  He soon found his hands slipping under Storm’s shirt, unable to keep himself from touching his boyfriend.

“You know, I can’t believe I held out for so long.  Because now that we’ve started, I don’t know how we lasted without it!”  Storm gasped as he sucked on Lucas’s neck.

“Storm, Dade’s waiting.”  smirked a breathless Lucas, “You should go.”

“I know, I know.”  sighed Storm, a gentle smile crossing his lips as he kissed Lucas’s neck, “I never looked at a guy the way I look at you.  I didn’t think it was possible.  But seriously, Sheridan, you’re like … stunning.  How’d I get you?”

“Storm … I hate it when you do that.  And stop calling me Sheridan!”

“I’m sorry, Baby.  You’re just so beautiful.”

“So are you, you know.  And stop looking at me like I’m all that.  I like that you think I’m hot, but talk about pressure.  Could you try talking it down a bit?”  Lucas smiled.

Storm sighed happily to himself before he sat up at the side of the bed.  He ran his hands along Lucas’s leg, before placing a tiny kiss on his ankle. 

“You’re the best thing that ever happened to me.”  Storm smiled, a content look on his face, “I better go.”

“I’ll be counting the minutes.”

“I love you.”

* * * * * * *

Lucas felt the memories of those words stinging in his mind.  Once upon a time, his Storm loved him more than anything else in the world.  Lucas truly believed that.  Now all he had was memories of the past.  Memories of a life he never thought he’d lose.  Memories that haunted his every waking moment, and even his sleeping ones.

He sat on the beach, the hot sand burning his feet.  His head still rung with a hangover from his previous night’s drinking.  He lay back and closed his eyes, covering his head with his arm.  He let the sun burn his chest, as if that would provide some lame punishment for his actions.

Depression was neither an understatement or an exaggeration for Lucas.  He didn’t think he felt enough of anything to be depressed.  He recalled the words from his father, accusing and somewhat justified.  And yet one point Lucas still refused to concede in his mind.

“It is different with him.”  Lucas sighed to himself, the smell of the sea permeating his senses, “Or … it was.”

* * * * * *

--Family

“Storm, he’s your brother …”

“Shut up.”  Storm said as he glared out the lounge window, “Don’t say another word about him.”

“He needs you.”  insisted Lucas.

“He killed my mother.”

Lucas felt himself waiver inside.  He always tried to find balance in Storm’s fire.  A fire that had become increasingly tame.  Something that actually worried Lucas, for he knew that in Storm’s tempestuous fire lay his passion.  Even now, as angry as Storm was, he seemed more defeated and resigned with despair, than with his old fiery anger that tended to lash out at all in range.  Yet for all his resignation and fireless anger, there seemed to be a cold detachment in his attitude toward Dade.  It was this change that Lucas most feared.  Something Lucas feared even more was his own inability to balance out Storm’s feelings toward Dade.  He found himself almost agreeing with Storm in his condemnation of Dade’s attitude lately.  Yet he forced himself to remain impartial, because he knew it was in Storm’s best interests.

“You can’t honestly believe that.”  sighed Lucas, “It’s Dade.  He’s your family, Storm.”

“Fuck him.  He can die for all I care.  I’m done with him.”

“Don’t ever say that.”  Lucas said with a surprising amount of anger, “You can be angry, but don’t ever say that.”

“Or what?”  Storm said with bitter tears in his eyes, turning to face Lucas, “Huh?”

“I’m just trying to help.”

“Don’t.”

“I know you’re angry.”

“You don’t know shit.  This conversation is over.”  Storm snapped, before he walked out of the house.

Lucas bit his lip to keep himself from saying something he’d regret.  He stood still for a moment, taking a few deep breaths in order to compose himself.  Finally, he ran out after Storm, still angry, but able to temper it with a level head.

“Hey!”  Lucas shouted as Storm opened the door to his jeep.

“Leave it alone, Sheridan.”  said an indignant Storm.

“Ok, now you’re pissing me off.  I told you not to call me that.”

“I don’t want to have this conversation with you.  I’m going to the dojo.”

“Like smashing a few dummies will make everything better.”  Lucas yelled, standing in front of the jeep.

“What the hell would you know?”

“I know you’re angry.  I understand that.  But don’t start using me for target practice.”

“Why do you think I’m going to the damn dojo!?”  Storm yelled, revving up the jeep.

“Go and see him, Storm.  Please.  What do you think June would do if she saw the way you two were acting?”

“Hey, he’s the one who started throwing punches.  He can burn in hell for all I care.  That ungrateful mother fucker has no idea what I’ve done for him.  What I had to do to try and make his life a little easier.  I damn near fucking raised him when that asshole walked out on us!”

Storm screamed in frustration, smashing his fists against the steering wheel.  His eyes were filled with angry tears that only seemed to increase.  Storm jumped out of the car and started kicking the door so hard, Lucas thought he might hurt himself.  Soon he slumped over the door as pain filled whine screamed out of him.  Lucas knew Storm had burned the fire out of himself.

“He has no idea!  He has no idea what I’ve done for him …”  Storm whimpered, “What I’d still do for him.  But there’s only so much I can take, Lucas.  He can’t keep doing this to me and expect me to keep coming to his rescue.  One day … it’ll just be too much.”

Lucas said nothing as Storm continued to cry.  He stepped up slowly and put his hand on his mate’s shoulder.  He leaned down and kissed his shoulder, while he rubbed his arm.

“I don’t know what to do.”  Storm cried softly.

“So you do still love him.”

“Of course I do.  And I know Mom would be so disappointed if she saw us.  She raised us better than this.  But all I wanna do right now is kick his ass.  Right now … I just hate him.  I love him and I hate him.  But he’s still my baby bro.  What am I supposed to do?”

Lucas did the one thing that came naturally at that moment.  He leaned down and gently angel kissed Storm.  He lingered on Storm’s lips as if somehow channeling the fury from his love into himself.  When finally he felt as though Storm was a little more centered and at ease, he pulled away.

“Guess I still have that temper.” Storm said with a shy smile.

“Of course you do.  It just comes out a little less often.”  Lucas smiled.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.  Just know that somehow we’ll figure this out.”

“We?”  Storm asked, surprised.

“Everything is we, Storm.”

* * * * * * *

The feel of the cool liquid upon his lips was sweet release to his tortured soul.  He knew the more he drank, the less he would feel.  He could drink himself free of remembering the past, which continued to plague him.  Even remembering times that were filled with anger and grief still seemed like the sweetest memory.  He’d give anything to even have an argument with his former love. 

Night had long fallen on a beach that Lucas didn’t even know the name of.  He wondered whether his parents were worried, then realized he was old enough to take care of himself.  Right now he didn’t fancy spending much time with them.  He was glad to be near them, but part of him simply wanted to isolate himself from the rest of the world.

His well concealed alcohol was the only friend he wanted the company of.  He walked the beach watching the lovers and the loners of San Diego.  He had done his best to distract himself from Storm, but still found so many things reminded him of the past.  Even his old love of surfing, something he indulged in before he met Storm, could not distract him as it once did.

So instead he walked.  To where he did not know.  He simply walked. The sand felt good beneath his toes.  The sound of the ocean was one he had missed for too long.  The warm waters of the pacific were welcoming, but they weren’t Merlow.  They did not belong to Lake Herren.

He was shaken from his thoughts by the sound of his cellphone ringing.  At first he felt inclined to ignore it, but in the end he answered.  The voice who greeted him on the other end was the last person he wanted to talk to.  He made sure to let her know this fact before he even said hello.

“You ruined my life.”  Lucas snapped to a stunned Ashley, “Are we even yet?  Or is there still some more hell you’d like to rain down on me?”

“Is that what you think?  You think I want to get even with you?”

“Isn’t it?”  Lucas gasped in frustration, “Isn’t it?”

“We’ll never be even, Lucas.  But I don’t blame you for what happened to me.  I don’t blame you for Joel.  You remember him, don’t you?  I don’t blame you for any of it.  I blame both of us.  I never wanted to hurt you.  I just … wanted you.  You used to feel the same.”

“That was so long ago, Ash.”  Lucas said with bitterness on his lips, “How could you?  You knew I was with him.  How could you?”

“You could’ve said no, Lucas.”

“You made me think you were him.”

“Storm’s gone.”  Ashley said deflecting Lucas’s last statement, “I’m still here.  Just waiting, wishing, hoping.”

As much as Lucas wanted to hang up and end this conversation with Ashley, he somehow resigned himself to the fact that she might be the only one left for him.  At the least, she was a part of his betrayal.  Somehow he felt he could talk to her without the fear of judgment that he feared from anyone in Merlow, or even his parents.  For that reason, he didn’t hang up.  Instead, he sat down on the sand with the cool night air nipping at his chest.

“Maybe we’re just never meant to be free of each other.”  Lucas sighed, “Maybe you’re right after all.  Maybe we do deserve each other.”